This past week was an interesting one, but with that many lessons have been learnt.
Be it the Full Moon in Libra on my 20th birthday, I couldn’t ignore the major anxiety in the back of my mind thinking about the next 10 years of my life. When I mentioned this anxiety to the people in my atmosphere I was told to get over getting old and that its inevitable, I knew that wasn’t it. I cant wait to age, mature, grow wise and be THIRTY, FLIRTY AND THRIVING.
Today I’ve spent a lot of time searching for some blogs to follow/take inspo from and I came across two posts.
One being Anxiety: Why are you ruling my life?
Maree Savins wrote something that really stood out to me. “anxiety is just the body’s natural way of telling us that we have something amazing or important to express.” Since Tuesday I had wondered if I am the person I thought I would be at this age and the answer to that would have been no, that got me down. But now I realise this doubt was here FOR GOOD REASON. My body was forcing me to reassess my ego and habits, similar to a slap in the face so I stop feeling sorry for myself and become this person I want to be. It changed my vision of anxiety being a burden, to it being a reminder to step back and check in with my mind and body. Instead of ignoring it, I have to listen to it.
The second post being Love is so Much More than i Thought it Was.
Through these feelings of anxiety I felt alone in a room full of people. Because I was relying on these people to make me FEEL BETTER, which I know is irresponsible.
It came down to my WORTH, I had accidentally dropped it on my way to dumplings in Chinatown.
Reading this made me reflect on almost every relationship (as I like to call it a THING) and romantic interaction I’ve had. I don’t lack the desire of a true romance and I know I am worthy of love and affection, but I can name a few instances where I have literally PERSUADED people who are interested in me that THEY SIMPLY AREN’T, and convinced them that it is just the time and place. For example, being the only two single people in a very couple heavy environment. And lets be real its because my worth needs some work, I plan to work on this and hopefully in the future I can stop being SHOCKED that someone really wants to spend their time with me. And if that takes time that’s okay.
I promise not all my posts will be as much of a ramble.
Lily And R.